Tick …… tick …… tick ……
Tock ……………….. tock ……………….. tock ………………..
I watched the time on my monitor slowly move forward. Seconds were squandered; seconds in which I had relinquished control to this working world to live and survive.
Tap tap tap. My pen harassed the miniscule desk, a product of my boredom and frustration.
This call center atmosphere was asphyxiating and slowly strangled the life out of its victims … or employees.
I couldn’t listen to my coworkers and all of my stiff-minded bosses any longer!
I stood up from my uncomfortable and squeaky chair and undocked the laptop from its boiling docking station whose purpose was to elevate the unit and keep it cool.
I grabbed every file and paper and tossed it into the large, ill-scented trash can that I had noisily dragged in from the breakroom. My office-mates gawked, their jaws dropped open. I’m sure they sensed my aura of lost control and the dispersed particles of my energy finally reaching the breaking point that threatened me throughout every eight hour shift delivered to this ridiculous, low-paying job.
I held everything I wanted to take with me – my handbag.
I said goodbye to my acquaintances and declined responding to their interrogations. Where are you going? What happened? Are you okay? My mind had left years ago and my body was now ready to catch up.
Thanking my lucky stars that my bosses were in an off-site seminar, I left a post-it on my supervisor’s door saying … well it isn’t appropriate to write but I am positive that my sentiments were dictated very clearly in the string of blasphemy fit tidily into the boundaries of the small square of sticky paper.
As a courtesy (and I was feeling refreshingly considerate at that moment) I dropped by the HR department to tell them I quit and that I feel sorry for my predecessor already.
I walked out of the building feeling freer that I had ever felt before. I glanced down and realized I was still holding the company laptop.
Just then Thomas Edison’s fantastic light bulb invention appeared above my head and, seizing the intelligent light, I knew just what to do.
Once I arrived at my car, I gently, oh so softly, placed the rectangle of scrap technology underneath the rear left tire of my car. The key sparked the ignition and I revved the 4-cylinder engine revealing its meek but powerful roar.
I sighed. An impeccable “how to successfully escape your contemptible job” recipe.
Final recipe instructions? Repeat above steps until crunch is no longer audible.
The following day my poor decision (alright poor decisions) haunted me like unremitting buyer’s remorse.
What … was I … thinking?!
Something told me that the previously intact bridges were incinerated to a crisp and that my previous employer would not offer an encouraging reference.
I sat on my balcony and watched the rain fall faithfully in front of me. It flowed over everything and delivered hydration. That was its job…it was its purpose.
What was my purpose? My cell phone rang persistently but I answered for no one.
For days I locked myself in my apartment and deliberated what I would do with my life.
Once I had enough sulking I decided to withdraw my savings of approximately three thousand dollars. I purchased four lottery tickets, one for each of my family members, and one ticket for myself – a mysterious quick pick.
Then I booked a three day cruise to the Bahamas. I’d never been so why not? I didn’t exactly have pressing career matters to call on.
After the cruise I felt like a revived, purified version of myself. My purpose was clear and it now lies deep inside my soul. It was to live. An easy objective it may appear to be but it proves to be unattainable for so many.
Next trip? New York! I experienced the distracting streets and tasted the celebrated New York pizza. I walked and walked and my body felt refreshed.
When I arrived back at home I got around to checking those lottery tickets.
Lo … Wi … Win … Winning ticket! Winning ticket! I screamed. I checked the numbers again. Then I cried hysterically and ran around my apartment like a mad woman.
Oh finally! I could do everything I’ve ever wanted to do! I would now have more ammunition as an aid in fulfilling my newfound purpose! Thoughts of Spain, Italy, and Paris blanketed me. Once I informed my family of this fortunate news they were at my apartment in minutes. Together they lifted me up and chanted my name!
The feeling was heavenly!
Piper! Piper! Piper! They shouted with happiness while throwing streamers and confetti and glitter!
But the glitz, the streamers, and the glam of the spontaneous celebration began to lessen. Wait! I cried. The haze faded from my view and cleared quickly the way dish soap overtakes greasy water.
I snapped back to the present and realized I had fallen into an elaborate daydream of hopes.
I smiled at all of the bewildered faces glowering at me in this team meeting. “Yes, sir.”
“Did you hear what I said?”
“Uh no sir I’m sorry – I was…”
“Pay attention! I don’t prefer to repeat myself.”
“I’m sorry – I was … captivated by the fantastic PowerPoint slideshow you assembled. This is the best presentation I’ve ever seen.”
Easily overcome by flattery my boss’s anger vanished instantaneously. He continued his sleep-inducing, self-important discussion.
I smiled to myself. Was my job really that bad? No, not really. With every job there are good days and bad days and when I again encounter a bad day I’ll allow my mind to wander off and enjoy my employee’s rage delight once more.